Marriage, in a normal formalised sense, is something that has never sat good with me.
Why should we need a blessing of a church we don’t trust in and a state we cruise uncaring to hallow my love?
Instead I’ve had 3 poignant relations that we consider of as marriages, as did my partners, and while dual might have finished messily, that’s no opposite from a grave divorce – that there are an awful lot of, regardless.
Besides, a law these days creates tiny eminence between a long-term de facto couple, a polite union, and a marriage. So because go to all a responsibility and noise of a matrimony when it creates no genuine difference?
Ultimately, for my mother and I, for usually that reason; we’d come to a indicate where a “form” of things no longer mattered, so felt giveaway to do as we liked.
Making a good warn celebration when no one (including a bride) is awaiting it lent procedure for it to happen.
See, carrying organized a entertainment of family and tighten friends to symbol what we saw as a poignant anniversary, it merely compulsory a bit of sleight-of-hand and some oblique arrangement to spin it into a matrimony rite – and luckily we managed to lift it off; and she pronounced yes.
So Linda, my messenger of 25 years standing, is now rigourously my wife, and if it’s a bit lush to write about that, well, so be it.
Bottom line: we had a ruin of a lot of fun.
Which is what unequivocally counts. This greed-driven nuclear-family-oriented multitude of ours doesn’t do “fun” well. We onslaught to applaud – in a loyal clarity of that word – a many critical tellurian events: birth, death, sex, love.
We let religion, and race, and money, and honour and influence of all sorts get in a way.
We follow old-fashioned forms and limiting practices that connect us to rote models and methods of behaviour, instead of simply permitting ourselves to be giveaway to demonstrate both fun and grief in all their colours, in whatever approach we need to.
Of march many people don’t have a freedoms we here in New Zealand enjoy. Even a nearest neighbour, Australia, does not nonetheless concede same-sex matrimony – that is because a good friends Victor and Jim, a integrate for longer than us, total their revisit with a authorised matrimony rite of their own.
Contrast that with Chechnya, where homophobic assault has resulted in happy people being dull adult and tortured until they exhibit names of other gays; their contingent predestine is anyone’s guess.
Elsewhere people can't even doubt their religion, or pronounce opposite their rulers, or brave to step outward a despotic prescriptions that oversee dress and standing and amicable interaction, though confronting assault that might outcome in maiming or death.
In comparison, operative to relax manners that find to conclude a length of a schoolboy’s hair or a girl’s skirt, or either a male wears a tie or a lady shows a tattoo, seem tiny beer.
But each such fight, on whatever partial of a scale, is all about that many simple of tellurian rights: particular leisure of choice.
As a universe lurches back into odious regimes in a US and Europe, we here in Aotearoa would do good to remind ourselves how most we mount to remove if we sheepishly tumble in behind any New Moral Order.
The leisure not usually to select who and how we marry, though to plainly applaud that choice, is a hard-won though frail thing. We owe it to a children to make certain it is a certainty, as all such choices should be.